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Everyone wants to be happier – of course, we do! But achieving happiness isn’t so simple. Everyone likes different things and we all find joy in different places. This makes deciding how to change things in your own life to be happier much more difficult.
Where should you start?
Examine Your Lifestyle
Your lifestyle is made up of every habit you have, your work schedule, your social life, your home life, what you eat – you name it, it’s a part of your lifestyle. The thing is that you probably aren’t really aware of what your lifestyle is.
Taking a moment to examine your lifestyle requires a lot of honesty with yourself. It might be worth keeping a diary of your activity as this will require you to be honest with what you have done with your day and give you a space to start seeing behavioral patterns. For example, people who track what they eat tend to eat more healthily over time as a result of becoming aware.
Once you are aware of your bad habits, it’s important that you don’t see yourself as a failure and stop trying. Instead, try to kick one bad habit at a time and take it slow. For example, you might start by deciding to drink less alcohol and replace it with water. Over a few months, you can gradually reduce your cravings for sugary drinks. This is much more likely to succeed than going cold turkey and will prove that you have the willpower you need to tackle the next change.
Look After Yourself
Some of us aren’t very good at looking after ourselves. We allow our lifestyles to whisk us away, prioritizing the wrong things and getting stressed out by our responsibilities. This is incredibly common in today’s society and it’s difficult to break the cycle. But while we might know what our self-care essentials are for short-term happiness, we don’t necessarily know what we should be doing to make things better long term.
Taking good care of yourself isn’t about treating yourself to fancy trips or relaxing spa weekends, though that can help! If you really want to look after yourself, you need to face what’s going on inside. We are all so focused on showing that we are happy, we often forget to deal with the things that make us unhappy – instead, we simply pretend to be happy and hope things get better on their own.
Looking after yourself is really about acknowledging how you feel and then acting upon that information in a positive way. So, if you’re feeling run down, don’t just take a day off to lie in front of the TV, look at what has been going on to make you feel that way, and then make a change. For example, you might schedule your holidays more evenly or even make a more radical change like moving to a less stressful job. The point is that going to the root of a problem will help you to navigate in a different direction, changing the results.
Enjoy Yourself
Do you know what’s really crazy? People just don’t know how to enjoy themselves or to make time for the activities they love. People simply don’t make time for fun, instead, they come home late and stressed out then sit watching trash on TV until they are ready to pass out, at which point they go to bed. Even worse, people aren’t enjoying what they are watching – they are scrolling through social media or playing inane games on their phones instead.
A life of all work and no play is no life at all. Human beings, like all animals, are meant to play! Play is what brings us pleasure, offers us learning opportunities, and a chance to discover something new. But how you play is important. Doing the same thing over and over again might be fun for a while but you need to mix things up if you want to keep your attention.
Adults need to play and more often than not, play is an interactive activity. Think of all the stuff you did as a kid – making a sofa fort, building with LEGO, making an artwork, baking, jumping on the bed – all of these things were active, though not necessarily high energy. Adult fun can be the same. Figure out what makes you happy and, however ‘pointless’ it might seem, schedule it in. It’s okay to draw pictures that only end up in the recycling bin and it’s fine to do something completely ridiculous just for the sake of it. But if you really need more structure, finding a class or a playmate will really help.
Give Something Back
Giving back is a very personal thing. You might choose to make regular donations to a particular charity or volunteer your time. Maybe you choose to support a campaign or you help the kid next door with their homework once in a while. What matters is this: you give yourself a way to integrate with your community that is life-affirming and gives you purpose.
But giving back doesn’t have to be a big thing. Small acts of kindness have been shown to increase your levels of oxytocin and serotonin – both feel-good hormones – as well as reduce your stress, anxiety, pain, and even your blood pressure. Kindness could increase your lifespan and will certainly make you feel happier. Why? Because small acts of kindness connect you to other people and make you feel valued.
There are lots of opportunities for small acts of kindness each day and the vast majority are free. Give a bit of your time or patience and the more you give out, the more you are likely to receive in return. People are kind to kind people.
Happiness is an art, not a science but there are proven methods to help you boost your mood and improve your life. But the first lesson is this: looking happier and being happier are not the same thing. Focus on being happy first and looking happy will follow.
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