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For some couples, a lifetime together simply isn’t possible. Though your marriage has been a success for a time, growing apart is a natural consequence for some. The truth is that while most couples imagine themselves staying together forever, time changes us all and we can’t be stuck in the same moment for our entire lives.
Divorce is an ugly word that tends to assume a fault in one partner. This is a real shame because many couples choose to separate amicably and could settle the legal stuff like Spousal Support Agreements quite quickly if it weren’t for finding fault. So what can you do to keep the peace and separate calmly?
Express Your Feelings
Before you even get to the “d-word,” it’s really important that you talk to your partner. While you might think that you are no longer compatible and so much is obvious, it may still come as a shock. So, instead of making the decision alone, it’s a good idea to have an open and honest conversation about your feelings.
For some couples, talking about emotions can be difficult – especially if you haven’t done so in years. However, understanding each other more clearly requires this kind of talk. Take your time, try not to be accusatory and listen closely. It’s very possible that separation isn’t what you need at all – you simply need to improve your marriage and work your issues through.
Try to Understand
When you are arguing a lot and even the most petty thing sets you or your partner off, it’s difficult to listen. While you are sniping at each other and bringing up every problem you’ve ever had, trying to understand this specific problem gets even more difficult!
The lesson here is easy to say but harder to put into practice: stop arguing and start a productive discussion.
If you want to understand how your partner feels, you need to give them time to express themselves without interruption. Learning to listen like this is hard work but the benefits are enormous. You are also allowed to call a timeout in a discussion. It’s okay to go and think about things because sometimes you just need a moment to get your bearings.
But remember – this is a balance. You both need to be more understanding for this to work.
Be Willing to Compromise
Compromise always sounds like a negative, as though you are losing something. But actually, learning to compromise will make you a lot happier, whether you choose to stay in your relationship or not. When you can compromise, you are much more likely to avoid arguments and you won’t get entrenched in your position. In other words, you can more flexible.
The best way to compromise is to prioritize what is most important to you and think carefully about how it compares to your partner. If you aren’t that fussed about this but feel passionately about something else, it’s worth giving up one thing for another. The more willing you are to compromise and reach an agreement, the easier your life will be – together or apart.
